Why Bards are Bad and Not Good

So … I may have left some of you confused with my last blog post. That’s ok. It’s been cooking in my head for some time now and I have very strong feelings about the bard class in most tabletop systems.

Before you can comprehend my loathing for bards you should know how I act as an actual player rather than a DM or GM. Charisma is usually my highest stat regardless of class. I am almost always the face of the group or, at the very least, its most talkative member. I don’t memorize spell lists, I avoid min-maxing like it is the plague, and I rarely ever want to enter combat unless I have to.

You may be thinking to yourselves, my gentle and unique snowflake readers, that bard sounds like the perfect class for me. You get to sit in the back and play music to buff your party rather than fighting on the front lines. You get to benefit from having a high Charisma score in many ways. You get magic spells to compel others to do your bidding and boom we have hit my problem with the bard class.

Don’t get me wrong, I love magic and I’m not averse to illusion magic, but to me magic that charms your opponent is, to put this in delicate terms, a war crime. I hate it on more levels than I can name. Allow me, now, to name some of them.

Charm magic gives a player untold power outside of combat. Examples, you say? Don’t get me started. I’ve mentioned the antics of Zak Earthkin, bard and pain-in-the-ass extraordinaire, before. His player (who is now Zugg’s player for those keeping score at home or those playing Rules and Riddles bingo and now get to place a bean on the Zugg square) thirsted for gold the way a pirate thirsts for rum. The way Inigo Montoya thirsts for vengeance … and wine. He wanted gold. This led to the greatest regular abuse of charm magic ever. He would cast charm person on everything that moved if it meant he could get a better deal selling gems or buying war dogs.

In the playtest for the new Dungeons and Dragons system (appropriately named DnD Next) bards were given way more power than they should have thanks to mesmer and charm feats. Throughout the Temple of Vengeance (my wonderful Avengers themed dungeon) the bard of the group (Sir Robin) was able to do each of the following things:

• Keep 4 out of 5 snake cultists handled while the party captured one and set up a series of Area of Effect spells to wipe out the other 4. This was the first encounter.
• Hold an entire room of spiders enthralled so they could loot a pedestal with a fancy belt and a couple of nice daggers. I can’t begin to stress how many spiders there were. Think about the most spiders you can without immediately going into shock. Double it.
• Automatically befriend the black dragon serving as the final guardian of the dungeon thanks to a natural 20 Charisma roll and a feat I like to call “this feat hates Dungeon Masters.” I think that might be its French translation.

Charm magic can be the death of roleplaying, in my honest and humble opinion. Zak never really needed to roll dice after casting his auto-befriend spell. It was nice of him to humor me but the spell made the person consider him a good friend so he was going to get a good deal for his wares no matter what. Being able to cast charm magic makes me, the DM/GM, have to prepare magic ahead of time to combat it either in the form of items that grant immunity or in the form of spells that I have to give to unnamed, unplanned NPC’s.

Players that naturally struggle with roleplaying may rely on spells like charm person as a crutch rather than sink into their character and understand how they would act in a situation and what argument they might pose to solve a problem. When you’re starting out and it’s your first few sessions at the table then relying on something to ease into an unfamiliar experience isn’t a bad thing. In fact it’s very wise to simplify your life to make your time much easier. That said, there are things you can do as a bard to play the role well.

• Understand what a bard is. You’re a bit of a swashbuckler, a bit of a con artist, a bit of an entertainer, and a bit of a wizard. You’re a jack-of-all-trades. You’ll likely be the voice of your group or in charge of negotiations. If you’re naturally shy or quiet then perhaps bard isn’t right for you. If you’re boisterous and a bit of a showboat then it might be perfect for you.

• Don’t rely on your class abilities to define your bard. This is actually good advice for all classes. You aren’t a rogue because you can do sneak damage. You aren’t a bard because you can play song of courage. Those are the rewards and luxuries you get for choosing that class. You’re a bard because you want to help your party or because you want to talk your way out of a fight. You’re a bard because you like to have utility spells or because you like having a lot of options with your skills.

• Utility spells always supplement roleplay. This is my personal preference but I think the game is a lot more fun if everyone thinks this way. As a DM/GM I don’t look at a player’s die roll until they’ve explained themselves. If you want to use charm person as a bard then you had better slip it in while you’re buttering up the person. Actually charm them and use the spell to supplement your words and your diplomacy check.

• Invest time in preparing music. This is very optional but it adds a nice bit of flare. Bring your computer, tablet, or music player and some speakers. Prepare some instrumental pieces that would fit well within your setting. Play the music when your bard is playing their song. It’s a simple way to add to the atmosphere of your table.

Bards are bad and not good. But sometimes they can be good.